Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
