I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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