how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
