if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Randomize
