I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
