i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
