I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
