the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
