out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
