what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
