I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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