omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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