i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
