She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
