Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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