This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
