do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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