I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
