Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
