I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
