he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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