is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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