He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
