Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
