I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
