she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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