drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
