So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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