My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
