i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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