Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
