i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
