I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
