With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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