Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
