i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
