1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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