I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
