I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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