dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
