It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
