Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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