At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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