wrigley field is MILF paradise
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
