Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
