I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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