my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
as a side note pls kill me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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