im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
