My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
