I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
