he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
