my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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