I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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